Saturday, May 28, 2011
Detention 4
true.
I felt stupid. I felt like everything I was saying was stupid. I didn't know if I was ever going to make it at all. If I was developmentally delayed as a child...wouldn't that mean that I was going to be a failure as an adult?
I didn't know. All I knew was that it was kept inside my mind...trapped by depression.
I felt stupid. I felt like everything I was saying was stupid. I didn't know if I was ever going to make it at all. If I was developmentally delayed as a child...wouldn't that mean that I was going to be a failure as an adult?
I didn't know. All I knew was that it was kept inside my mind...trapped by depression.
Detention 3
...for her. All I knew was that I did it to survive. But there was also something else.
I hated myself. And I knew why. Growing up I had a Developmental Delay. It was mild and I grew out of it. However, the shame of growing up with such a condition filled me with hate.
All my life people were calling me different because of that. It was a slap in the face that reminded me that I truly was different.
I tried to escape it my whole life. But it never seemed to work out very well. I would always be reminded of it...every single day.
Everything else would be a blur except what I was thinking of. If anyone was talking I would be zoned out. I didn't want to listen to what people had to say.
All I could hear in my head was "you're different."...
I didn't like being different; I wanted to be just like everybody else. I felt like that was never going to come
Detention2
...for it one way or another.
I still felt like I had self-hate within me. The only positive was I was starting to show my anger and stand up for myself. I liked that about myself...but I was still battling self-hate.
Hate was a dreadful word and it was starting to eat me from the inside and out. I knew it was only a matter of time until it drove me towards suicide. I didn't want to die. But I knew that hate talked you into doing a lot of bad things to yourself.
This was something I was going to be battling for a large portion of my life. If I didn't deal with it now, I was never going to be free.
I wanted to be happy about myself, proud of myself. I wanted to look in the mirror and see my face without feeling hate inside of my soul. I wanted...to see myself as a good person.
I walked through life, not really enjoying it... Amara asked me why I cut myself. I didn't really have an answer...
I still felt like I had self-hate within me. The only positive was I was starting to show my anger and stand up for myself. I liked that about myself...but I was still battling self-hate.
Hate was a dreadful word and it was starting to eat me from the inside and out. I knew it was only a matter of time until it drove me towards suicide. I didn't want to die. But I knew that hate talked you into doing a lot of bad things to yourself.
This was something I was going to be battling for a large portion of my life. If I didn't deal with it now, I was never going to be free.
I wanted to be happy about myself, proud of myself. I wanted to look in the mirror and see my face without feeling hate inside of my soul. I wanted...to see myself as a good person.
I walked through life, not really enjoying it... Amara asked me why I cut myself. I didn't really have an answer...
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